The Most Evil Corporation on the Planet

I'd like to ask an honest question that's not even based in faith or beliefs, because truth be told, I really don't care what god anyone believes in or what faith they find comfort in so long as they don't allow it to invade others' lives.

The short & not-so-sweet question:  If you knew a filthy rich & powerful corporation that spanned the globe was allowing child molesters to continue working within the corporation directly around children, and moved said people around to different locations to protect their wrong-doing while they continued to abuse children, would you:

A.) Just not patronize those companies any longer
B.) Continue patronizing them because you have been doing so your whole life & don't know any differently
C.) See to it that the corporation all the way up to the CEO who protects child molesters gets shut the fuck down & ensure that not one more innocent child is harmed? 

Welcome to the Catholic Church, the most powerful corporation on the planet.  A corporation so evil that it allows, facilitates & enables the abuse of children.  These aren't the dark ages, you have a choice of what to believe in & endorse, folks.

Blows my mind that anyone could walk into a church & knowingly put money into a basket which will fund a corporation that protects men & women who abuse defenseless children.  What are you supporting?

Tolerating Intolerance & Other Nonsensical Things

                                              



People who post pictures like ^that^, and say things like, "If you want tolerance for gay people then you should be tolerant of people who hate them," should wear tin foil on their heads.  I'm pretty serious, I really don't think you should be operating machinery or doing anything that requires a whole lot of cognitive thought because there's a good chance you're gonna wind up hurting something or someone.  There is no parallel, no connection, no relevance what so ever between a person who is attracted to someone of the same sex, and a person who hates unreasonably and actively seeks ways to limit the civil rights & social acceptance of those people.  Being gay is not a controllable emotion, hate is.  The term "gay tolerance" in itself is fucking ridiculous, I can't even imagine saying to a gay person, "I TOLERATE you & your choice to love someone," when it was none of my business in the first place who they love.

I do think it's frustrating that anti-gay supporters can't see why homosexuality is harmless & natural, but I would never ask that senseless, irrational, unreasonable people have rights taken away from them.  I'm just not giving money to corporations who use those profits to decrease someone's quality of life.  See the difference now?

Not patronizing an establishment because you fear the ways your money is used does not = taking away or limiting someone's rights.

I'm so tired of this argument I could puke blood on every person taking pictures of their chicken sandwiches.  What are you standing for?  You're supporting inequality, not freedom of speech, and stop hiding behind the facade of being a Chickfila-supporting freedom fighter when really you're an insecure, petrified coward using your outdated religion to spread hate & fear.  And speaking of religion and, more importantly, abiding by it, if you're using a book to justify the ways you wish to limit the value of a human being, I sure as hell hope you don't hold yourself to a different standard.  For instance, all the whacky, archaic rules & standards written in the bible that you DON'T pay attention to because it doesn't convenience your life, maybe you should reread them and consider why you don't abide by them.  Is it because you don't see the harm in breaking that "rule?"  Yeah?  Have you ever thought about what living thing is harmed by two men loving each other?  No?  Well maybe you should.  And in case you're too busy picketing a gay soldier's funeral, here's the short answer:

NOT ONE LIVING THING IS HARMED WHEN TWO MEN OR TWO WOMEN LOVE EACH OTHER.

I know, your mind is probably fucking BLOWN right now.  But hear me out:  If you mix fabrics together, like wearing a shirt made of cotton & polyester, & maybe pairing it with jeans, you are breaking biblical rules.  You might think that's insane (mostly because it fucking is, it's fucking ridiculously insane), but realizing that a lot of the rules in the bible are outdated & make little to no sense is the first step in deciding for yourself what's right & what's wrong, especially when it comes to using that bible to support or actively seek the revocation & limitation of rights for other human beings.  I'm not saying stop being religious, I'm not telling you what to believe & what not to.  I'm asking that people start deciding for themselves and being honest when answering the question:  "Who is this hurting?" & "Will I support this?"




"Evolution didn't stop with us getting thumbs."
-MJK

Raising Stella Without Physical Discipline

I'm trying to find the picture I've been seeing circulate facebook, but google is letting me down.  Suffice it to say it seems like a lot of non-parents are really adamant about us parents beating our children.  And they're convinced it is the only way to raise a well-behaved child who will listen unwaveringly and resist "acting out" or causing disturbances in public.

I'm not gonna cite a bunch of sources, evidence, and studies that have all proved how ineffective & emotionally damaging physical discipline is to children.  But I would suggest all the people with strong opinions on the subject stop solely using the fact that they themselves were spanked as a child as their only evidence that spanking is the sole tried & true method of parenting.  Just because you "survived" being spanked and you may not be in jail are not solely indicative of anything at all.  These studies exist & prove facts for a reason (like sparing a child from unnecessary hurt), regardless of how well-adjusted you believe you are.

What I will tell you is how successful we've been so far finding other methods to parent our 3.5 year old daughter Stella, who has never hurt, or even tried to hurt another child.  Not even when she was a small toddler did she ever bite, kick, push, or use any other physical means of getting a point across, not to a child & not to an adult.  I have taken her to a multitude of places, both formal & informal, and not once have I ever needed to resort to physical discipline.  She is an incredible listener, a people-pleaser, a very social but cautious child who has always seemed to "get it."  I'm not by any means suggesting that she's perfect, because she's certainly not.  She has her moods like any other child & she gets upset, tired, sad & "aggravated," (a word she enjoys using to express her emotions) like anyone else.  I'm not saying we don't discipline her and I'm also not saying parents who use physical discipline are "bad" parents & nor are their children.  I'm not suggesting I'm a perfect, best, or better parent than anyone else for my choices, I just know what's right for myself & for my family.

And what's right for our family is any healthy alternative to physical discipline that we can find.  It's not the easiest way to raise a child, but I didn't sign up for this so I could cut all the corners I could for my own convenience just because I wanted a kid but didn't want to put the time in to raise her to be the healthiest & happiest she could be.  And I'm sorry, but her "surviving" isn't my standard in raising her.  I'm not necessarily aiming for her to be the smartest or most beautiful or best, but I would like her to be as healthy & happy as I can possibly provide while I'm able.  I'm posting this not for our own benefit but for anyone else who might be reconsidering their methods of discipline, because I admittedly felt very differently while I was pregnant than I do now.  I honestly believed I would spank Stella once she was old enough if I felt it necessary, and my only reasoning was because I was also smacked as a child when my mom lost control of a situation and wanted me to fall in line.

What is most important to us as parents are the preemptive steps we take before any disciplinary action is needed to correct a behavior.  I give Stella a lot of positive reinforcement whenever I notice a positive behavior or good deed; I especially make a big deal out of behaviors that were spontaneous that she demonstrated without needing us to direct her.  When she picks up toys without being asked, brings her plate to the sink, turns off a light in a room, anything that I would usually need to prompt her to do I congratulate and genuinely thank her for doing on her own.  Whenever I need her to be especially quiet or well-behaved (while I'm on an important call, when I bring her to an important errand to run in a quiet, formal place, etc.), I always give her the heads up before it happens so she knows what is expected of her.  After it takes place I thank her genuinely and find a way to reward important times like that when she came through for me and made that instance easier to handle.  I feel like taking these small conscious steps curbs a lot of problem behaviors that I would later need to discipline her for, and instead the instance is turned into something positive & fun for us both (like getting an extra 10 minutes at the park, or going somewhere special), rather than a punishment for her and a headache for me.

One thing I don't use as rewards is food, and that's a pretty conscious decision.  I attribute a large portion of Stella's disposition to her diet which is extremely low in sugar, and as all-natural as we can possibly get it while living in the US where fast, cheap & convenient is the standard.  I don't believe things like McDonalds are "treats" or "rewards" for 2 reasons:  The obvious being that McDonalds isn't even food and while I do believe in moderation, I don't believe garbage should ever be introduced into any child's understanding of things that are OK sometimes or often, when it should, in my opinion, be never.  Second, a child's relationship with food is developed earlier than what most people recognize and it begins with how parents treat the "never, sometimes or often" standard.  By using sweet things like candy, chocolate, etc. as rewards for good behavior, I'm afraid of what pattern that might set her up for later on in life.  I'd rather give her motivating rewards that can have a healthier impact on her rather than motivate her with things that have no value.  That isn't to say she's never had a cookie or a piece of candy because she has, and enjoys them just as much as any other kid (or maybe more since it's a "sometimes" food for us.)  But because she eats things like that so rarely, I have a better chance of relating certain behaviors/activity levels after she eats certain things, and I have 110% noticed that, as with a lot of other things in her life, she's extremely sensitive to them.  Her mood is immediately & noticeably different, and her hyperactivity level skyrockets after eating something like sugary ice cream, chocolate in candy, etc.

After I explain any or all of this to people, they immediately assume I shove cold, raw asparagus down my kid's throat all day.  We don't eat bland, boring food and I assure you I'm not torturing my child with cold, flavorless spears of asparagus.  She's a lover of all fruits and (most) veggies, her favorite fast food joint is saladworks (probably because it's the only one she knows, but still!), and she makes a lot of good choices on her own already.  I'm not trying to deliberately deprive her of anything enjoyable, I just don't think it would be fair to her if I knowingly fed her things that affected her activity level & decision making, then punished her for it.  See the unfairness?  If a child who eats a large amount of foods that are processed, high in sugar or made with artificial ingredients and colors, and they also exhibit a high activity level & poor decision making, I would love to see how big of a difference could be noticed if the parent simply cut that stuff out of the child's diet.

Another thing I've noticed affect Stella's behavior & activity level is watching TV.  While she was a small toddler I would put on PBS in the morning while I made her breakfast (and reminisced of watching The Flintstones while my mom did the same for me before school as a kid).  I never wanted Stella to watch a program with commercials, so channels like Nickelodeon were never on but I really thought that if what she was watching was something educational then no harm could really come of it.  That was until I noticed Stella having a really hard time whenever I tried shutting off the TV after one or two shows.  Even after I would distract her with books or another activity I would notice that her attention level was affected directly in proportion to how long she had been watching TV for previously.  Once I noticed that the trend continued and seemed to be getting more & more difficult to shut the TV off and get her back to focusing on something else, I decided it wasn't in her best interest to watch it.  Being at home with her all day and trying to accomplish something that needed most of my attention was going to be difficult, but not having the TV to rely on gave me that much more motivation to find ways to include Stella in most of the things I was doing, and also gave her a chance to find some quiet time to play independently.  As a way to show her how things like TV can be used in moderation, we made Friday Movie Night, a new family tradition where we finish dinner, bake something yummy, and snuggle up on the couch to watch a movie together.  At first it was a way to give her something enjoyable in moderation, but now it's something we all seriously love and look forward to all week!

Another great thing that I love about being a parent is the realization that children imitate your behavior more than they listen to what you say.  Think back to how often you've heard your parents say to you: "How many times have I told you to (insert chore here)?" and you might remember how much easier it was to mimic what you saw, not follow what you heard. Raising Stella to be a compassionate, loving, and kind person is more important to me than anything else.  I try to make sure that when I speak, it's with kindness and when I act, it's for someone's benefit.  I don't just tell her to be kind & compassionate, I show her how as much as I'm capable by involving her in showing kindness (like donating our clothes, toys & books, or giving the men who haul our trash bottles of water, holding the door for people, etc.)

These four things are all preemptive, conscious decisions we've made to prevent misbehavior, but that doesn't mean she doesn't sometimes misbehave.  Stella is a pretty laid back kid so I haven't really needed to severely discipline her (no drawing on walls or breaking anything intentionally), but whenever her tone is inappropriate or she says something disrespectful, we handle it immediately with a calm, clear tone.  If she disobeys a rule, we remind her why the rule exists in the first place so that she understands the reason for it, rather than simply fear punishment.  Children who are spanked might obey rules, but it doesn't necessarily mean they understand the reason for it.  And if a child's motivation to follow rules is fear rather than understanding, what happens when the threat of punishment isn't there anymore and there's no understanding of rules.  I'd rather Stella understand the reason for certain rules and respect me rather than fear me and any hurt I might inflict on her if she gets caught doing something she isn't supposed to be doing.  Also recognizing how absolutely defenseless and harmless she is makes me cringe thinking of raising my hand to hurt someone I love so much who couldn't stop me or defend herself.  If I want her to respect other people, regardless of who they are or what they do, why would I essentially teach her that's it's ok to hurt someone smaller than myself when I'm not getting what I want out of them?  Why should I teach her that it's unacceptable to put her hands on another person, and then hit her out of frustration or discipline?  With how confusing it is to me I wonder how insanely baffling it would be for a 3 year old to figure that one out.

I feel like I almost always need to preface and end anything I say with a disclaimer, so here goes:  I am not in control of how you infer what I say.  I can tell you I have no intent to offend or hurt and I do not believe I am infallible or perfect (as a human, a fiancee, a mom, or any of the roles I play in life), and I'm very aware of my flaws & imperfections.  I do my best every day and I try harder than the day before to just do the right thing.  I don't believe anyone who disagrees with me or differs in the way they live their lives to be bad people or parents, we just disagree, and that's fine.  But I do know that I changed the way I feel about a lot of things through other people sharing how they feel about certain issues and the choices they make.  The only way to grow and evolve is sharing, learning & trying, and that's all I'm attempting to do with this.  I hope no one, if anyone made it to this point, was offended or hurt, and if you were I do apologize.  But hopefully that isn't the case :]

For my dude, my heart, my smeegle.

I know that the ratio of great deeds Georgie does to the amount of thank you's I give is slightly disproportionate.  It's not that I don't say thank you often enough because I try to make a conscious effort to notice every little thing he does and acknowledge said deeds.  I just don't feel like a quick "thank you" for the majority of things he has done is an adequate acknowledgement of the true happiness he brings to my life and the life of our daughter.  Speaking of the monster we created, let me start off by explaining just how appreciative I am that he is the father and partner he is, because in my opinion, that's of the utmost importance and greatly outweighs anything he could ever buy or do for me.  He has been a truly fantastic father from the moment I told him I was pregnant, which is a moment I think bears mentioning.

Georgie and I took a very relaxed approach to baby-making and didn't consciously try to have a baby, but didn't do anything to prevent conception.  Basically, we had a copious amount of unprotected sex in a short amount of time, knowing that we could potentially become pregnant, and felt like that would be ok with us at the time.  We had discussed the mind-blowing concept of having children one night while our tummies were filled with psilocybin mushrooms.  To us, the idea of bringing together half of our own DNA and half of the DNA of the person we adored most in life to create a little person was amazing.  We were financially stable, very much in love, and thought the idea of creating a baby together was pretty swell.  Oh, to be 21 again. The day I realized I might be pregnant, I took a test and surely enough that little digital screen let me know there was a microscopic ball of cells forming in my uterus.  When I saw Georgie later that day, I had the test saved in a ziploc bag and sneakily retrieved it from my purse, held it up and asked him if he still wanted to be a daddy.  The smile on his face quelled any fear I may have had.  We cuddled for the next hour, giggling like idiots, and ran to my mom's house so she could have an overjoyed, crying meltdown at the idea of being a mommom.

To me, Georgie's smile, his actions, and his words immediately after finding out we were to be parents in 8 short months were all the first gifts he gave me being my partner in raising Stella.  Not once did I ever feel "alone" while I was pregnant, because he was right there beside me, or rubbing my back when it was aching, or talking to Stella through my stomach, feeding me nightly food cravings (caffeine-free orange soda by the GALLON, homie) or dealing with my pregnant, hormonal wrath without one fuss or complaint.  There were times I wanted to punch myself in the face when my moods were uncontrollable, if that's indicative at all of the sainthood that surely awaits George Galvin Rose III in his afterlife for dealing with my crying/yelling/throwing things at walls pregnancy tantrums.  I almost feel guilty when I hear a pregnant woman complain about her partner being aloof because I feel forced to tell the woman the old adage that I'm assuming is supposed to make her feel better [see:  not murder her partner or random men], "women become mothers at conception, men become fathers when they see their child."  Because for a LOT of couples, this seems to be the case, which is why I feel kinda guilty that I had such a ridiculously awesome dude gladly waiting on my every want and need.  I think in Georgie's mind, he became a dad the second he saw the ClearBlue test strip in my hand that read "pregnant," and didn't need to see a child vacate my uterus to realize there was one in there whom he was going to be responsible for.  I attribute this to his unconditional love, his compassion, and his willingness to do for others without asking for anything in return.

Once Stella vacated aforementioned uterus, George fulfilled every dream and [very-well hidden] expectation I had of him as a father.  Diapers?  Changed her first poopy one at the hospital.  Waking up with her?  Stayed home from work for 2 weeks getting up in the middle of the night with her.  Understanding?  Once he went back to work, he came home every day and asked me to go take a nap, because he knew I had a horrible recovery from labor.  Dinner and cleanup on nights I'm exhausted?  Consider it taken care of by Chef Boyar-Rose.  Running errands for me because Stell has colic and couldn't be taken anywhere?  He'd run to 5 different places until he ran out of gas getting anything we needed.  Georgie is a man who is never too tired, and if he is, he wouldn't tell you.  He's the type of man to come home from working a double at an absolutely insane job and ask me if I need anything, and isn't just asking to sound nice because he knows I'll answer honestly if I'm jonesing for a snack.  He has been known to make me snacks and the perfect cup of coffee, he will wake up early on the weekends with Stella and have her help make me breakfast and serve it to me in bed (complete with tea, napkins, fresh fruit, the works).  He tries to make things easier for me every chance he gets, whether its handling something on his own by taking a responsibility off my shoulders or doing something special for Stella that I wouldn't normally be able to do on my own (like hang her ever-problematic chalkboard closet doors).  He wakes up at a ridiculous hour to get to his stressful job by 6am.  He calls me throughout the day and interrupts said insane job of his just to ask me how my day is going.  He texts me to tell me I'm beautiful, to tell me how much he appreciates me as his future wife and as the mother of his child, and to say how much he misses me and how excited he is to come home to us.

Georgie notices every little thing I do as a mom, and doesn't let me think for a second that he doesn't see any or all of it.  He has infinite patience with me as a newcomer to the wonderful and intimidating world of cooking (he may not always show it because he takes over what I'm working on frequently, but I know it's his way of trying to help and avoid the inevitable breakdown I'll have if I ruin dinner).  He always compliments my dinners and actually thanks me for making them.  He laughs at my jokes, tells me daily how adorable and funny I am, how much he loves his life with me in it and how he couldn't ask for more than what he has.  He thanks me for giving him his gorgeous and intelligent daughter, as though I managed it all on my own.  He rarely takes credit for anything, and is totally willing to encourage me to think I'm the best thing since sliced bread, because he thinks I am too :] 

This is every day of my life.  I know, what a lucky bitch, right?

Truth be told, I have no idea what I did in a past or present life to deserve being treated like a queen.  Every morning I wake up, it's in a wonderful bed, in a wonderful home, knowing I am loved, appreciated, and thought of almost always.  Even though I don't contribute to our home with an income, Georgie tells me every day how much he appreciates what I contribute as a mother, a future wife, and a homemaker, which he says is invaluable.  And I'm perpetually appreciative and impressed by how incredibly hard he works and how often.  A lot of women become mother and breadwinner because the fathers of their children never stepped up to the plate.  I applaud those women with a respect that I can't even verbalize because I could not imagine performing this job in addition to Georgie's.  To be able to go to sleep every night not having to worry about whether or not Georgie will live up to the expectations a providing father is held to is one of the greatest luxuries I've ever enjoyed, and no amount of thank you's I could dole out would ever be able to express the true gratitude I have for him.  Despite what has to be the utter exhaustion he feels after work, he still comes home in a great mood, usually joking and always being the silly kid he is inside.  I'm sure he has to be stressed, because while we're doing ok for people our age who bought a home and have a child, finances are of course tight.  But you wouldn't know it to talk to him.  Georgie doesn't let me worry about anything, and being the paranoid, stressed-for-sometimes-no-reason-at-all type of person I am, it's impressive now that I think of how stressed I'm not over things like that...and it's because of how much trust he allows me to have in his ability to take care of us.

Sometimes I hear how often all three of us say I love you to each other in a day, and I honestly get overwhelmed with just how lucky I am.  Very basic things like running water, heat in the winter and things we were able to afford that provide great convenience to my life are all things I think about every day and try to show appreciation for.  But even those things I could try and do without, whether it be in a cardboard box or a studio apartment or a mansion, it doesn't really matter.  As long as I have my dude who tells me daily how much he loves and appreciates me, and my daughter who gives me the very best bear hugs imaginable, I'm the happiest girl on the planet.  We aren't perfect people and we're not a perfect family.  We don't do everything perfectly as people or parents and we certainly make our fair share of mistakes in almost all the roles we play in life.  But at the end of the day when I'm walking into our beautiful bedroom knowing that I'm laying down next to my best friend who holds me every night without fail and never lets me fall asleep before I kiss him goodnight, nothing else in the world could possibly matter in that moment.  Even after writing this, I still don't feel like it does justice to how grateful I am to him and how much I cherish every second of my life that he is a part of it.  He says he loves me more, but one day I'm gonna find a way to trump that.

I love you, Galvin.  The day I found you skating at Bradlee's as teenagers, the day I leave the planet and every single day in between.

<3

Why 80% of the tri-state area's population is fucking retarded.

Children who are sexually abused before the age of 12 are:

3 times more likely to suffer from depression.
6 times more likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder.
13 times more likely to abuse alcohol.
26 times more likely to abuse drugs.
4 times more likely to contemplate suicide.

But please, go on about how much good he did by helping kids with their homework, visiting Adam Taliaferro in the hopsital, and living a "simple" life.  If you value the good he did for athletes over the RUIN he inadvertently caused for children, you need to reevaluate your fucking morals.  Or better yet, why don't you tell the boys he could have saved how great of a man he still is and how much you wish he was still in a position of leadership while they get to enjoy a perpetual, uphill, emotional battle with a quadrupled chance of committing suicide.  Oh, and getting fired didn't kill him, CANCER did.  I'm not happy he's dead, but I'm also not willing to participate in this never-ending glorification of a man who allowed innocent children to be harmed.  Saving ONE child from a life of pain > building a library.  What if it was YOUR child he knew was being raped in a shower?  How highly would you regard him then, knowing he went on with his life of coaching where his athletes REVERED him and modeled their ways of making decisions after his, while your child was left defenseless with no one to save him?  No, he wasn't the only one to blame and those people have been (or are in the process of being) punished.  No one's crying about them losing their jobs or having charges pressed against them, so why is he exempt?  Fuck every single one of you apologists; I'm sick to death of hearing you talk out of your asses.