Punch Drunk Love

I thought it appropriate to follow up a blog about motherhood with a blog about relationships.

...you can take off your protective head gear, get out of the corner and stop cowering, this isn't gonna be nearly as bad as you might think coming from me :]

I guess according to standard societal norms, sans Hollywood & Charlie Sheen in particular, the overwhelming urge to strangle someone followed immediately by wanting to resuscitate them back to life is kinda frowned upon. And to be completely honest, I'm confused by that. What people say they want is stability and consistency, but really what they're getting is monotony and boredom. Having a consistently great this or a stable that builds no character what so ever, and that probably sounds hypocritical coming from someone who has been begging for a break from this continuous chaos. But I really do feel like on the other side of this shit hole that began when I made one fucking decision to leave, there's gotta be some sort of heavenly Nirvana & Zen waiting for me.

I digress! Having struggles with someone you love (and this applies to all relationships, not just romantic ones), gives you a chance to see them for what & who they are. Ups & Downs lets you see the myriad of feelings and personalities your partner has when they're reacting to situations ranging from supreme happiness to absolute fucking despair. And more importantly, how you experienced them together, where you excelled, and where you fucked up beyond recognition.

Georgie dubbed it "breaking the cycle." No pattern of behavior can be fixed until it's acknowledged and addressed. If you're beating your head upon a granite counter top trying to get someone to see where they're failing at life in terms of your relationship and you'd have a better shot at getting blood from a stone, you either need to readjust your approach or throw up a white flag and secede that your counterpart isn't willing to do any introspection. You can hold the mirror up to his or her face until your arms bleed, it doesn't mean they're any more willing to look into it honestly let alone do something about the things that are becoming unbearable.

For some people, subtle and even extensive change doesn't call for drastic measures. Some people take easily to admitting flaws and tweaking what it is that's driving their partners insane. These people are fucking assholes and I'd give a limb in this life to have their ease of adaptation in my next life. Others, (like you and me and every other chuckle-head who isn't a Zen Master), need something life-altering to come crashing down around them before they either hit rock bottom or keep digging themselves into the Earth refusing to face the inevitable (or their partners live miserably for the rest of their lives believing this is it.)

Let's see what the eff my point was in all this. In seven years, I've experienced every possible moment of happiness & despair, I've been pinned up against odds that felt insurmountable but I've also felt the overwhelming love that only a mother to her boyfriend's child could feel. I'm beginning to feel like we've done it all, and by that I mean we've dealt with one too many obstacles people our age should have handled. However. Sweeping up after the dust settles and mending what was and allowing it to grow into something even stronger and more beautiful than it was before is possible, and so fucking worth it. These ups & downs are what gives you character. It's what forces you to learn every dirty little detail and idiosyncrasy about the person you love (probably more so than what you probably wanted to know.) It gives you the chance to breathe in fresh air; air that hasn't been tainted by monotony and boredom. You could let it destroy you, which I'm sure more than a few people have. But you could also let it renew & strengthen what was meant to be (or what you refuse to let go of because you know that it's the only thing you want for your life). It's probably not the "right" way to handle things and at 23 & 24 we're finally realizing that. But it's gotten us where we are today, and I can't even find the words to describe how amazing this day is. Falling in love all over again is underrated, but at the cost it comes with I don't really blame anyone for finding other productive ways to go about that. It's a learning process, and for now I really am enjoying the journey without being so afraid of what may come, which usually leads to potential catastrophe if catastrophe is what you're waiting for. I'm learning how to do more and expect less, have patience and not think of what i'm gonna say when I should be listening. I'm just grateful for this change and I'm appreciative for the break in monotony. It works.